literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
