haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I looked at my own cervix.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
