you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
