I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
