there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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