I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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