they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
