Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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