I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
