Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
