Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
