Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
