how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
