Umm I'm too high to move.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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