Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
