somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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