He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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