'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
