do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
