I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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