a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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