I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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