Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
