I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
