I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
