Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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