some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
