The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
