worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
