I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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