It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize