I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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