i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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