I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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