Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
