tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
