the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
