is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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