I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
love makes seman taste better
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
