Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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