I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
