Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
