I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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