I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
