I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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