OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
