I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
