That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
