We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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