How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
